WHY I'LL KEEP SAYING 'NO'

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday November 19, 2008

 

I SAY

Natsume Hyuuga

 

I AM a teenager writing in response to Crispina Robert’s Weekend Xtra piece “Those blooming teenagers’ (Nov 15-16), in which she talks about sex education.

 

There are two camps with different approaches on sex education. One camp encourages abstinence. They give us statistics on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and teach that the best way to avoid pregnancy and disease is to say “No”. Or they tell us to have sex only when we are in a “mature and committed relationship”.

 

Unfortunately, the statistics on STDs do not scare off foolhardy teenagers who continue to think “that won’t happen to me”. Teenagers will consider their relationships “mature” and “committed”, even if adults don’t agree.

 

The other camp encourages safe sex — have sex but don’t risk pregnancy and disease, and please use protection. This smacks a little of “Do it, just don’t get caught”. Is it really true that as long as we don’t present our parents with a baby or catch some dreadful disease, it is perfectly okay to have sex?

 

I think both camps have their pros and cons. But why has the issue of staying pure, for your future spouse, not been raised?

 

To use an analogy, imagine I have been given $100. I ask, how much can I spend? This is like asking, how far can I go? Is oral sex okay? Intercourse?

 

Perhaps I should be asking, how much can I save? Can I save having sex for my future husband? How about petting? Kissing?

 

Making decisions based on a desire to remain as pure as possible for my future husband is simple. Whether it is “morally wrong” to have sex with my boyfriend or not is immaterial. It doesn’t matter how likely I am to catch a disease, or get pregnant, or how failure-prone a condom is.

 

The attitude I’m taking now is: If I can save it for my husband, why not? And if I want to save it for my husband, does having intercourse/oral sex/et cetera run contrary to my objective? Each teenager decides his or her own boundaries and knows why he or she decides where to stop.

 

Whether I stop at oral sex or kissing, I am less likely to make decisions as a single youth I will regret later, because I have thoughtfully set my boundaries and I know why I set them.

 

Perhaps “purity” is the wrong word to use here, but I hope sex education can move away from encouraging an attitude of “I won’t do it/will do it because I don’t want/I am protected against the consequences.” Instead, give us teens a better reason than statistics to wait, and to wait willingly.

 

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